It’s no secret I have been married three times and I have a step-dad and 5 step-sibs and I was an only child of my daddy. My blended family is quite large with all that movement! And you know what? It is actually now something I value now more than ever. At my age, I am starting to see how important we can be in shaping and also affecting other people’s lives. Especially, in how we are all affecting our children and even our parents. In my morning reflections, I decided to really hone in on what is more common than not, and that is the blended family and I am celebrating the dads of those families and will show you how you can keep peace. My story…
I married first at 17, married again at 20′ something(?), was it 24?) and yet again at 29. So just in over one decade, I lived three wives- lives plus came from “a house as was two daughters” being a child of remarriage myself. Here is what I see. I see in each of my children, a strong character trait (or two) of my children’s dads’. (How is that for apostrophe marks?) I see that my children look like their dad’s, talk like their dad’s and carry some of their dad’s convictions. Now, we all know that I can be a pretty opinionated woman and yes, there is a reason out there for all this blending in my crib, but I do not regret my experiences. I now marvel at the likenesses the children have with their dads’. I encourage my children to love their dads and value them AND RESPECT them. My now husband, Ed, says if we all lived in California, we would probably have cookouts and play cards and stuff, laughing about any given weekend while watching the grand kids play. Well now…..that may be a stretch but we are in Kentucky too, so…….. 🙂 (HAHA!)
Seriously, I want happiness for my children’s fathers’ because I think my kids need to see that I wish that and it is just the right thing to do after time passes on and maturity levels evolve. Having older children, I think they care more now that their parents are secure and happy. If my kids know that we are safe, well rounded and effectual, they can grow off into their adult lives with less fear that they too, will be a participant of some divorce. Current statistics show divorce is common-place and kids are not even talking about getting married right now. I think the turmoil of blended families can get so out of control, that the curse of unhappiness takes flight and peace is no where to be found for our kids to see. We see sitcom after sitcom of marital sarcasm and social drama that keeps edgy relationships alive. So many couples nit pick, fight, aggravate and irritate one another and after a few years of marriage, the kids just turn off their “attention” to detail skills and the household just hums along unhappily without any real defining moments for the children to catapult from. If a divorce occurs, the broken relationship can be tasteless, a war of the wills, and can be outright uncomfortable for everyone. But it really does not have to be that way. And, this father’s day, I wish my baby daddy’s a GREAT day and I wish my husband a great day and my dad and my stepdad a great day too!! (so on so forth)…..:) We can all sing kum-bye-a if we wooon’t too!
Wishing others well is very healing. I respect the transformation toward aging and in raising your children, wishing others well is something they need to see you do. And, do it genuinely. I love to look back and my life choices, and smile now. Like, really smile to know I made messes and I had messes to clean up but I am cleaning up. I am cleaning OUT my skeletons so that it may even help others clean out theirs. And by golly, we all need to be NICE!
Over the course of this weekend, if your children are going to their dad’s and you are not married to him, what actions will you take to make the transition peaceful tomorrow? Be strong enough to smile at the child and offer his hand to his dad’s hand and say, “Honey, you enjoy your dad today. Enjoy is jokes, his likes, his stories and ask him to share with you some ice-cream.”
Will you say, “When was the last time you and dad went to a movie? You can say “Here is $20 to go and catch something fun with him.” Or, will you say, “I am sick of driving you out to see your dad”. Will you say something negative about their behavior or even their other partner? Lord, I hope not. I hope that maturity is growing in our nation and we can peel back the veil from our eyes and stop hating. Do you not see how crude media and negative comments on Facebook and the likes, crush a spirit of a child? This weekend, change that course for your household!!
Most of us 80’s and 90’s kids have experienced blended families. And with this fact known, it is going to take a conscious effort to send out positive vibes to the other parent this weekend unless you just really hang 10 with them anyway…… I challenge you this weekend and DARE yourself to do something nice and out of the box to help your kids love on their daddies. It doesn’t have to cost you any money, time or be a drudered effort. Just SAY something nice in front of the children. I double, dog, dare you to be better each day:)!