“I am not about to quit! Not Today!”

Holly A3

Pictures.  They say a lot don’t they?  And yes, this is me.  Holly Goodyear.  So what about it?  After right about 200 blogs and a new annual membership to Word Press.com, it is apparent that this is what I do when I need to release.  I do other things.  But writing is one of those things that just makes me feel better.

At first I blogged out of anger.  To find validation for all the horrible things that life had served me.  Oh, but wait.  There is more.  I blogged out of loneliness.   I missed my church families, my work families and my comfort level with status quo.  I had left the Pentacostal church after a decade of hard core service and I left my broker/service/slave health insurance career because I was not emotionally stable enough to raise a white flag and call out “uncle” when too much pressure had landed on me to perform.

You see, all of the lessons we learn about life have to do with performing for one audience or another.  When we are children we perform for teachers and parents.  When we are teenagers we perform for our friends.  And when we are adults we perform for money and status.  We perform for our children and our spouse.  Acting all the while under whatever emotional condition stood present to us at the time.   But today, my performance is becoming real.  You see, somewhere out there their is a big Eye of God in the sky searching too and fro to find “us.”  II Chronicles says New Living Translation The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. What a fool you have been! From now on you will be at war.” 

I think we only remember the first part of the scripture and we say “God, look at me!  I need, I want, I hurt, I say thank you.”  But what is this part about being foolish?  Do you even know a man or women that has not been foolish at one time or another?  And when we are foolish, well, we are at war.  I suffice it to say we are at War with Ourselves!  And nobody wants to talk about it.  We blame Satan for way too much.  We, have a personal responsibility to accept the changes that our spiritual society is experiencing and we need trustworthy people who are real and can “Act” like they have some sense.  I think, I have finally found some sense.  (At least I hope so).

My holistic Reiki Practice is about helping people (and myself) to find as many skeletons in our closets’ as we can so we cab throw those mothers out with the bath water.  People are so afraid to deal with their hurts and their demons and they wish to protect themselves by protecting there hurtful experience and pretending they are F-I-N-E.  But I can say after the last two weeks, two months and two years, I feel like the war with self is starting to die down.  This only comes because I have had to trust God to help me be better.   Last week, once again, my husband lost his job one day after I paid ‘the second time” to go to massage school really made me think. It was so scyronistic!  I now have to decide if I am willing to fight for what truly want to do.  Well, You see me typing this don’t you.  I AM willing to keep pressing on and I am not quitting!!

I have to admit to my fondest readers, there have been many times I have been put off by some of the personal criticism that I have faced since changing my life just as much as my old friends have been put off with my ‘uber liberal changes.  But here is the deal.  This is my life.  I call Myself a minister of the Spirit not a classical traditionalist and that my friends, looks way different than it did to me 20 years ago.  At age 7 I gave my life to Jesus and again, I did it at age 17.  I was baptized in water three times and I speak in tongues when I pray.  That is when I really get down to it!  If you have never seen someone in the Spirit of Warfare over self and fighting for the betterment of others praying in tongues, then you may not fully understand.   But some people really challenge what I am doing because it scares them spiritually.  “Your messing with energy!!!”  Well Duh!  And beside, what profit has ever been accepted in his own town?

You see, I very much love the heart of humanity as a whole but there are some really mean people out there.  There are people who are turning a blind eye from the truth of today and our evolution as humans is just as compromised today as it was 10 million years ago when the dinosaur wanted to eat us.  And why are those that fight the hardest for justice, and humanity get the shaft at times?  Is someone jealous?  I know all about that jealousy shit.  it will bite you!  I didn’t throw a $900 TV against the wall for no reason…………:/  (Honestly, it really isn’t the shaft.  I am happy that my life is cray cray! Twists and turns on every road!)

My point is this………….I love who I am now.  I love what I do in very spiritual ways.  I love being around so many new people that totally get me.  And I love that I am not ashamed to blow a little blog “o” truth at you so you can hear me think.  If you are tired of living in the deep of your sadness then find your center.  Get some Reiki or something!  Find your Channel to Your Maker, and Find some Freedom!

That is all!  I feel better now……:)


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